The Hurt That Cripples

The following article is rather personal and is a glimpse into the life of a pastor.  The event described took place almost one month ago, and the notes were penned during a crushing hurt of the ministry.  The past month has been a time of reflection, retrospection and meditation.  The Word of God has become sweeter, and the prayer time dearer.

Please forgive the personal references, but this was not originally meant for public viewing.  The following notes were meant to be a private journal of that event.  Yet, I believe that there may be some other hurting pastor, who may read this, and realize that he is not alone.  It is my hope that this serves as an encouragement.

Despite the deep hurts of ministry, the blessings have been great also.  And, as the old song writer once stated. . .”It’s Been Worth Every Mile!”

The Hurt That Cripples

It is Tuesday morning, May 5, 2009, and I find myself unable to function and fulfil my daily tasks.  The hurt of Monday is still so fresh that there are no words that can convey the sense of betrayal and abandonment.  My chest feels as though it will explode. . .the pain is severe. . .the tears will not cease.

The source of this hurt came from those who have been called “friend.”  Yet, was it not the Savior Himself who said, “Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me” (Psa. 41:9)?  If the close friend of the Savior betrayed Him, it can be no surprise when those who are closest also betray us.

Although I know the above statement to be true and biblical, the pain still penetrates the heart and crushes the soul.  While we know that people are fallible and will forsake us, it still is a deafening sound to hear those painful words, “We won’t be back.”  Most of the time these words are prefaced with “We love you, but. . .”  So it was at the home of the member on yesterday.  They should know that no amount of words to the contrary, can offset their actions of abandonment and betrayal.  Actions speak louder than words.

The hurt is magnified by the fact that, for ten years, I have been their faithful pastor, counselor and friend.  Not once have they been refused, even though the hour was late or the time inconvenient.  Their pastor has been there for them when their son was arrested, when the husband had a heart attack, when their grandchildren were in danger, and more.  In recent months we sat for hours together at the Police Station in order to protect the precious grandchildren.  Yet, all of those times are swiftly swept from their memories as they lash out in their present hurt.  This is a hurt that did not come from the pastor, the pastoral staff, or the church.  They have been hurt by individual people and, yet, the pastor who has loved them has become the target of their anger.

Oh, how those word, “You need to leave our house,” crushed the heart! What had I done but care?  What had I done that warranted such action?  When I continued to stay and try to love, reason and pray with them, they both got in their vehicle, closed the doors, cranked the car and left their house. . .Leaving their pastor crying uncontrollably on their patio.  The moments passed into minutes and, they did not come back.  No pricking of their conscious concerning their egregious action.  No conviction of the Holy Spirit that would have commanded them to be reconciled to their brother in Christ.  No human compassion for the pastor who has shown nothing be unwavering and unquestioned love and loyalty to them for ten years.  The pain of the next twenty minutes was unbearable.  Unable to move, walk, or talk. . .all I could do was cry.  The floodgates of my memory were opened, and the last time such deep hurt was felt was brought to mind.  It was in the Summer of 1993 that a similar situation occurred with a family in Bay Minette, AL.

This is a pain that surpasses the death of my parents.  The passing of one’s parents is a normal event of life.  Although it hurts deeply, it is still an expected event in life.  The betrayal and abandonment by those you have loved is never expected.   It should never be an expected part of life.

Such betrayal only comes from one source. . .Satan.  He is the father of lies and dissension.  This type of action is never Heaven-sent or God-ordained.  Rather, it is the result of the fruits of the flesh, “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19-21).  Those who love God and are filled with His Spirit will not do such things.  Their fruits will be evidenced by the fruit of the Spirit.  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Gal. 5:22-23).

It may be argued by those who perpetrate such actions, “We love God.”  Yet, the Bible offers a clear rebuttal of such an argument.  It was the Lord who said, “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (Jn. 14:15).  One of His commandments is that we “love one another” (Jn. 13:34).

I do know that “this too shall pass.”  Time will move on, and the hurt will begin to subside.  But for the moment. . .IT HURTS!  Yes, I know that truths of God’s Word.  Yes, I know that He will never leave me or forsake me.  Yes, I know that “people are people.”  Yet. . .IT HURTS!

This event will not end my ministry, nor will it lessen my love and trust for others.  That cannot be permitted.  This event will not be the last one of its kind either.  This is the hard, but normal, part of ministry.  Yet, I suppose it to be a good thing that it hurts so bad.  For if a pastor does not hurt in situations like this, he probably does not love in the way he ought to.  As someone has wisely said, “If you are not willing to bleed, then you are not fit to bless.”

Lord, grant me strength today to fulfill my calling.  Give me the wisdom to know how to deal with the repercussions that are bound to be felt by the church.  Give me the grace to love this dear family, in spite of the hurt.  Grant me the power to be a God-honoring example before my family and church during this time.

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me!  Praise His Holy Name!

Pastor Marty O. Wynn
May 5, 2009