Single Ladies & Father's Law

Believe it or not, this question has often been a subject of discussion in ecclesiastical circles. It has also been a source of contention in some Bible-believing and conservative families. While this writer firmly believes that the child’s duty of honoring his/her parents knows no age limitation, it is also my belief that certain Scriptures are wrested from their context in order justify a course of action.

The heart of the matter is…At what point is a child is no longer bound by parental dictates? To understand this issue, we must examine the biblical text in Numbers 30:1-5. This text is often used to support the belief that children, especially daughters, are bound by the parent until that daughter is married. The text is rendered in the following manner:

Numbers 30:1-5

(1) And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the children of Israel, saying, This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded.
(2) If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.
(3) If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father’s house in her youth;
(4) And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand.
(5) But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her.

This text has often been the target of unbiblical eisegesis. Through the misrepresentation of this text, many parents have sought to maintain unbiblical control over their children that are of adult age and stature. Using verses three and four, the father often maintains that as long as his daughter is single, she is under his God-given authority and is, therefore, bound to follow his explicit will. However, it only takes a brief and accurate examination of the text to reveal the inaccuracy of such a position. The Scriptures do not indicate such authority over a child who is considered to be of legal age

As with all scripture, proper hermeneutical principles must be applied, when interpreting the text. One such principle to consider is: To whom was the writer writing? In this case, it was the Law of God being given to His chosen people, Israel. Chapter thirty is a part of the recitation of God’s Law that was being taught by Moses to the people. The context of this passage is at the end of other such teaching that included the laws concerning sacrifices and offerings (Numbers 29:1-40).

In Old Testament law there were very clear distinctions between bond and free, Jew and Gentile, man and woman. However, the New Testament declares that Christ has made us all one (Galatians 3:26-28). This is not to say that all distinctions were abolished. The New Testament clearly maintains the distinctive roles and authority of men, women and children (cf. I Corinthians 11:1-3; 14:34-35; Ephesians 5:22-6:3).

This brings us to the New Testament principle of children being obedient to parents. Of course, the Scriptures are clear concerning the obligation of children to both honor and obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1-2; Colossians 3:20). Do these verses imply that children are to yield unquestioned obedience to anything a parent says?

To properly examine this text, it should first be noticed what the text says in verse three. It states, “If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father’s house in her youth” (emphasis added). This same qualifying phrase is repeated at the end of the chapter in verse sixteen. The power of the father over the daughter’s vow is limited to a daughter that is: (1) in her father’s house, and (2) in her youth.

This does not mean all single women. If it meant that, then does that mean a woman of forty-years of age should be dictated to by her father? Of course, no one would argue for such a case. Consider the fact that the first qualifier is a daughter that is still living at home. How would she not live at home, if she were to be bound solely by her father’s decisions? The implication is that there are some daughters who are not living in her father’s house. The next qualification is that she be a “youth.”

In our westernized society, we have a different definition of the term “youth,” than did those to whom Moses was speaking. The Hebrew word that is translated here, is the word na‛ur. According to the Strong’s Concordance, it means “youth, the state (juvenility) or the persons (young people).”

However, to the Jewish mind, youth was not the same as we think today. To the Hebrews, a boy was no longer a youth, once he reached the age of thirteen. To celebrate this rite of passage into manhood, they would conduct a Bar Mitzvah. Yet, most scholars and historians state that a girl was no longer a youth, at the age of twelve. In their commentary on the Old Testament, Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset and David Brown state, “We are also told that the age at which young people were deemed capable of vowing was thirteen for boys and twelve for girls.” This is also confirmed in the commentary written by John Gill. Therefore, any girl that was over the age of twelve, could not have her vows revoked by her father. That was the legally recognized age of adulthood.

In our own society, the age of eighteen is the legal age for adulthood. Also, most states recognize anyone over sixteen as being capable of making their own choices. Therefore, the biblical principles would be to adhere to what is legally recognized as adulthood.

Therefore, to imply that this text renders all single daughters under the absolute authority of the father, is to mishandle the Scriptures. Does this mean that daughters are to ignore Godly advice, or dishonor their fathers? Of course not. Yet, it does show that there comes a time when a father must allow his daughters and sons to make their own decisions and live with the consequences.

Sadly, there have been many fathers who have lost their children, by hanging on too tightly to their children. God has created men and women so that they mature and become adults. To become healthy adults, the child must be allowed to mature into that adult, through the process of becoming independent of mom and dad.

This brief study is not meant to convey the idea that children should not obey their parents. The Scriptures are clear in teaching that children are to honor and obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20). However, it is to present the biblical response to a portion of the Scriptures that has been mishandled and misapplied by faulty hermeneutics.